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My Peer Reviews

Please comment on what I should fix.

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 10, 2018 at 10:48 AM

    Edits by Ellie McDermott

    My overall impression on your paper Allie is positive! You used all of your sources in a way that was clear and concise for the reader to be able to understand. You took time to explain each "section" of both the academic and non-academic writings. Overall, I think you kept your paper extremely professional and it was a very well written analysis.

    While editing your paper I found a few things that I believe would help improve your paper. I would make sure you never include your opinion. On page 2 you will be able to see I underlined a sentence because as I read it I felt like it was your opinion. I will say that I agree with what you're saying, but I would try and reword the sentence to make it less opinion based.

    Another suggestion I would make would be for you to double check all of your spacing after each period. At times you double spaced and others you did not. I circled and added the words "add space" if I noticed the format was incorrect. Along with that, I have a minor suggestion which is to just move your title paper header down a little.

    Also, everytime you say the word "they" in a sentence I would be sure to clarify who you are speaking about. Whether it is the reader, author, etc I would clarify. You can see the first example of this on page 3.

    My last suggestion is to double check with our professor about the format of the in-text citations and titles. I know none of us are clear on this and I wanna make sure you get it right.

    Great paper Allie!

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  2. UnknownSeptember 10, 2018 at 10:54 AM

    Overall you did a great job connecting all of the sources and adding in the interview in this paper. All of your Ideas connected very well and it had great flow. My favorite part was how you integrated your evidence. In addition, your citing of sources was detailed and all in the right form.
    The few changes I have are very small but I think it will add to your essay substantially. first I really liked how you brought the whole essay at the end back to considering the three components in the conclusion. I feel the essay as a whole would be stronger if you brought that Idea up in the intro also so the reader can look for the reoccurring theme throughout.
    Another change that could be made is the conclusion. It was a great conclusion and touched on all the aspects of writing. The only thing I would change is make it personal. The whole essay was personal so in the conclusion just add what you learned and how you are going to think about writing now. I feel this would add a little more closer to the essay as well as connect it back to the into where you talked about how excited you were to learn about writing in your discipline.
    Finally, the smallest change I think would just to be shortening some of your quotations. While they are very beneficial it is easy to loose the reason they are in the paper when they are long. Furthermore, break them up or summarize in your own words some of them so that the actual quotes are the most important words used. This will lead to stronger analysis if your quotes are more concise because you can expand on them more.
    In conclusion, this essay followed the rubric really well and had great sources to show the types of writing that is done in the business world.

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